A Fashionable Fiasco by Robyn Peterman

Author:Robyn Peterman [Peterman, Robyn]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Robyn Peterman

Chapter Nine

“If this turns out to be a false alarm, I get to kick your ass with no retaliation,” God informed Satan, still scowling. “I’m a very busy deity. It’s the ninth inning. Bases are loaded. The Angels are tied with the Saints and I was up to bat. This is some incredibly bad timing, Lucifer.”

God was in all his glory. His completely rhinestoned softball uniform was so sparkly, I had to conjure up some sunglasses to look at him directly. With his normal heavenly glow plus the glittering uniform, one could easily go blind.

“Oh, everything I told you is quite true,” Satan replied, sounding every bit the leader of Hell… until he took in his brother’s ensemble. “What the Hell are you wearing? Did you rob the dressing room of a fucking drag show?”

“Pie hole. Zip it,” God snapped. “Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither. I do believe you called me, brother. Go ahead and tell me everything you know. I have a spare ten seconds.”

Oh crap. This could get rather ugly. There was no time to let them incinerate each other again. The clock was ticking and time was running out.

“God, God, God… if you’re going to be a smartass, you need to be smart,” Satan said with a grin and an eye roll. “Not just an ass—and a very sparkly one at that.”

“Keep rolling your eyes, Lucifer. Perhaps you’ll find a brain somewhere in the back of your head,” God shot back.

“Ohhhhh, brutal,” Astrid said with a giggle.

“Hello, my lovely niece,” God said, bestowing Astrid with an adoring smile.

Astrid threw her arms around God and squeezed him tight. “You’ve got some game, dude.”

“Thank you, child,” God replied with a chuckle. “However, I also have a game to get back to. Satan, state your case and let’s get on with it.”

“Mother’s banging a home-wrecker who’s not my father,” Satan announced.

“Mother?” God asked, surprised. “Is this true?”

“Of course, it’s true,” Satan bellowed before I could get a word in. “Do you think I lie?”

“Umm… is that a trick question?” God asked, not even trying to bite back his laugh.

Satan’s put-upon sigh would have been delightful if he hadn’t stomped his foot like a two-year-old and created a huge crater in my garden. “Fine point. Well made. However, it’s the truth this time.”

“Really?” I inquired, eyeing my son with amusement.

“You are about to get in enormous trouble for being incredibly icky, morally repugnant and loose in the morals department, Mother,” Satan accused me and then smacked himself in the head sending himself flying across the garden. “Hell on a fucking Monday, I sound like I changed teams and went to the good side. This is unacceptable.”

“Mom?” God questioned, trying not to smile as Satan began to electrocute himself on purpose.

“No worries, darling,” I told him. “It’s not true.”

“None of it?” God asked, perplexed.

“Nothing bad,” I promised. “However, there is a story to be told.”

“Sorry, I’m late,” Bill said as he strode out into the garden.

Satan was appalled. Astrid stared at her fingernails and tried not to laugh.

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